Drünken Pilot Airlines

Complimentary beverage service and complimentary barf bags supplied.

On Time Departures: 83.4%
On Time Arrivals: 0.03%
Accident rate: 0 crashes per 1,000,000 passenger-miles (so far).
Lost/misdirected baggage 98.7326%

FAA Regulations section 91.17 (Regarding drugs and alcohol)
Fine Print: Not responsible for lost baggage. Fly at your own risk.